


I'm so sorry

by DopePie



Category: The Alienist (TV)
Genre: Comfort, Hurt, John is really sorry, Laszlo has a panic attack, Love, Panic Attacks, Smut (almost), tw: panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 15:50:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15052610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DopePie/pseuds/DopePie
Summary: During sexy time, John accidentally triggers a panic attack and Laszlo doesn't know how to handle it, so he needs help from dear old John.





	I'm so sorry

Laszlo’s back hit the wall of his living room rather hard, but all he could focus on really was John’s insistent mouth on his neck, sucking hickeys and biting softly all over his exposed skin, making the doctor moan softly as he trew his head back against the hard, cold surface.  
He closed his eyes and placed his good hand on John’s shoulder and the illustrator took advantage of it, moving even closer and pinning him against the wall, a feral growl leaving his throat, making Laszlo squirm. “J-John, darling….maybe we should m- move to the bedroom…?” He suggested, but the other man was too distracted with his ministrations.  
His mouth was glued to Laszlo’s most sensitive spots and his hands pushed him against the wall, one leg sneaking between the doctor’s, making his knees go weak as he let out a half-choked moan.

John was never too rough with him. They took their time, kissing, touching, before one or both of them took control and moved on.  
Usually John was the one who waited for Laszlo to make a move, allowing the less experienced and more insecure out of the two decide when it was okay to take things a step forward.  
But after twelve days out of the country, due to an illustration camp he had to attend to, he had quite missed his partner.

Not that Laszlo was complaining, either: as soon as John entered the doctor’s mansion, the shorter man wrapped his arms around John’s neck, sighing happily and kissing his neck lovingly.  
John could not do anything against his own instinct and had pinned the man to the wall since then.

He ignored Laszlo’s suggestion and closed his eyes, using his stronger upper half to flip the doctor around so that his chest and face were squished against the wall, making sure he had enough space to breathe.  
Laszlo’s instincts told him that he should stop the other man, a sense of uneasiness settling low in his stomach.  
“John….I’m serious, we should stop….” the other man didn’t seem to care or notice, and as Laszlo tried to reach behind to get a hold of him, John pulled both of his arms behind his back sharply, making Laszlo’s eyes shoot open as he screamed in pain.

John pulled back suddenly and looked at him, finally awake from his trance, blinking several times to try and understand what he had done wrong.  
Laszlo was frozen in place, his good hand grasping his old injury on his right arm, breathing heavily and shaking slightly.  
It took John a few seconds to understand the mistake he’d done and he covered his mouth with one hand, blood rushing away from his face as he whitened in fear and guilt. “Laszlo I am….so so sorry….I didn’t mean to….”.  
Laszlo turned around and slid against the wall, hitting the ground hard and pulling his knees to his chest, like a scared child would.  
John noticed how irregular his heartbeat was and how unresponsive he was to his words, and feared he might have been having a panic attack.

The doctor’s smaller frame was shaking violently, quiet sobs leaving him as his terrified eyes kept staring at the floor, his only good arm wrapped tightly around his legs.  
John felt like he might trow up, seeing how easily it had been for him to hurt his friend, no….his lover.  
“Laszlo….I’m….I’m so sorry…..” he expected to be kicked out, he wanted Laszlo to yell at him, he deserved to be punched right in the face, but nothing came from the other’s mouth other than those soft sobs and irregular gasps.  
When he noticed that his face was getting red and his hand was twitching, John knew he had to do something, or at least try to.

He sat down next to Laszlo and felt the other flinch when their knees brushed against each other.  
Good, he thought, at least he can feel me.  
He put his hand on Laszlo’s good arm and the other started calming down, slowly, still refusing to look away from that same spot on the floor.  
“Laszlo, I’m….I’m truly sorry, my love.” his voice broke while he was speaking and he looked away from him. “I don’t know what came over me…..I should have thought about you, Christ….I’m so stupid….how could you ever forgive me?”

After several seconds he felt Laszlo speak up, barely whispering, as he scooted closer. “You’re not stupid.”  
John chuckled nervously at how determined his partner was in convincing him that he mattered, despite everything that happened.  
The doctor nudged John’s arm and crawled into his lap, sitting with his legs on the side and head tucked between John’s chin and clavicle, as the illustrator’s arms wrapped around him comfortably, not tight, but secure.  
“I forgot that when we take our time, it’s for US. Not me.” he sighed and felt Laszlo do the same. “I am sorry, love.”

Laszlo nodded “It’s all right, John. Just….don’t ever- ever do that again….”   
John kissed his forehead and nodded. “Of course, darling.”

They sat there, curled against each other, sharing soft caresses and kisses, until John spoke up again.  
“As much as I do love having you this close, Laszlo, my legs are awfully aching.”  
The doctor stood up and helped his lover up, holding him so his wobbly legs wouldn’t betray him and let him fall down.  
“We should go to bed, staying on the floor was a silly idea. Whose was it?”  
John laughed and shook his head. “I really don’t remember, love.”


End file.
